The Courageous Wife

As I counsel young couples in preparation for marriage, I realize that the majority of them have very little understanding of what married life entails.  Their understanding is a mixture of their own parent’s experience, their expectations and fantasies developed through movie, TV, or romance novels.  They step into this major life decision with a belief that love will conquer all.  Their romantic notions often blind them to the reality of the life they are about to enter in together.  They are unaware it will be filled with many unexpected turns and adjustments.

This basis for a marriage commitment is built on some shaky assumptions.  First, if their parents had a bitter marriage or divorce, their example is hardly one to follow.  Second, personal expectations are just that--“my expectations.”  What if the one they are to marry has expectations that conflict or are in total opposition to theirs?  Thirdly, if they believe love and marriage is like a romantic movie, they are in for a real shock.  Fantasy rarely becomes reality.  People don’t always come back after a silly break up.  Harsh words aren’t always forgiven.  People don’t always work things out.
As one who had no premarital counseling of a significant nature from any source, I stumbled into the marriage school of hard knocks trying to understand my role as a husband and Dianne as a wife.  No one told us about our family heritage that would cause conflict at times.   What about the financial pressures, personal sacrifice, and life challenges that would occur?  I didn’t have a clue.  My greatest handicap was I did not truly understand that women are wired so differently from men.  

I would love to say romantic love carried us through it all.  That would be a lie.  What carried Dianne and I through was a commitment first to the Lord, then to each other.  You see, when Christ is the center of our lives, the first relationship one has with your spouse is that of a brother or sister in Christ, a fellow believer.   Therefore, the spouse doesn’t deserve any less respect, love, or forgiveness than any other Christian.  The added bonus is the personal love they feel for one another.  This is why in Ephesians 5 Paul tells husbands and wives to love and submit to each other out of respect for Christ.  Submission to each other is easy when we are in right relationship with the Lord.

Our human love in a marriage is imperfect and must continually develop and grow or disaster waits.  With the perfect love of God at the center of each couple’s life, the chances of a long and fulfilling relationship are increased a hundred fold.

This week I will continue our “Becoming a Courageous Family” series talking to wives about what the needs of a husband truly are.  The answers might surprise you.

See you Sunday,
Pastor Jeff